I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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