Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
