A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
