oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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