Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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