So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
