I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
