you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
