Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize