so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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