Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
