from now on my penis is your penis
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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