Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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