she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
