It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize