I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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