It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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