Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
