Sry I called you an 8
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
