Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
