I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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