I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no you cant smoke seaweed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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