i think my mom watched the whole time
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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