i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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