btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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