the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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