I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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