Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
