I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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