okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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