i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
