ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
