Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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