So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
