FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
