awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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