We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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