dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
