She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
