I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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