I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
