Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
