So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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