mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
