If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
