if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
