Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
