Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
