Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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