I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
