Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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