the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
