long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
