Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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