is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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