hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
