So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
