Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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