I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
