I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
