So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
