Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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