I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
