im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize