When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
