I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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