You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize