The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
