I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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