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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
