I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
