Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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