I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
